I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
