oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
