You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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