No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
