one might say we're banned from that church
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
