Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
