Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
