i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
