I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
what day is it and did you see me today?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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