The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
