i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i don't like sucking hair
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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