Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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