Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
