I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
