just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize