She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
