i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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