i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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