Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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