You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
