when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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