I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
