direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
