Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
