you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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