that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
