No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh god it's open bar.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
