he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
