how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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