i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
