Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
