I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so that wasnt chicken after all
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
