Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
