you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize