I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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