On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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