You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize