peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
