if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
