with your own penis?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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