Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
