I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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