does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
