You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
