She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
