Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize