He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
