I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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