Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
