i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
