my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
