I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
