Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
