Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
