Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
