you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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