People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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