I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
