sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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