My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize