i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
