My hair reeks of homosexuality.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
