Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have aggressive nipples.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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