I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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