Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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