Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
