She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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