dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize