We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
