i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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