I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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